I fell...

I fell..

off the wagon.

I know, I know. How could I!!

I had a really really weak moment.

I had 2 puffs. As soon as I puffed - I felt sick and threw it out.

I am back on board now.

I am utterly ashamed of myself. I am going to get some gum in the morning.

Patches do NOT work for me. They make me terribly ill and I have CRAZY CRAZY dreams.

I did not know that this was going to be this hard.

I mean I have actually shed some tears over a cigarette!!!!!!!

I am glad that I have my blog..

I can vent on here.

Thank you for all of the words of encourgement!!

I so need them. Please keep them coming.

Well, I am off to eat some more carrots!!!!

Wish me Luck!!!

Hard as Hell...

I went to bed really early last night.

The cravings were killing me.

Not literally, but almost.

I nearly came to tears as the desire for a cigarette consumed me.

But I did not give in!!

As I slipped into my bubble bath - I craved one.

Before I went to bed - I craved one.

When my eyes opened to a new day - I feigned one.

When did my whole life turn into smoke??

I have been told the first day is the hardest.

NOPE..NOT TRUE.

Today, day Two, is hard as hell.

And if you have ever read the bible and learned anything about hell...

Then you KNOW this is HARD!!!!!

I try to keep my self busy-

I got up and at 8a.m. blew leaves and raked!!!

I have read half a book, and dusted and vaccumed.

My tree is still up but I will have to save that for Monday.

If I do all of my projects in one day- boredom will make me fall of the wagon.

Now I am blogging.

I bet this poor guy is on day 3. I can't imagine what tomorrow is going to be like.

I am struggling here.

There are tears running down my face.

OH MY I have turned into pookie the cigarette head !!!!

Ok OK . Pull your self together Misty!!!!

(Deeeeep Sigh) I'm ok.

Just had a moment.

Thank you for letting me vent.

The Craving has passed and I am drying my face now.

I pray that tomorrow is better.

Day One

Today is Day One..

I am having some serious withdrawls.

I soooooooooooooooooooooo want a cigarette.

I have not had one though.

This is really hard.Much harder than I imagined.

When I am stressed I smoke. I am stressed now because I can't.

How ironic is this ???

Well, trust that I am not going to pick one up and light it.

Although I do love the sensation of lighting a fresh cigarette and inhaling that first puff.

But I won't.

I have too much at stake here.

My health means too much me.

Loosing my life to tobacco is not an option.

I have too much to live for.

Well, one down and many more to go.